|Awesome experience or delusional dream
||[Aug. 25th, 2009|05:46 am]
Either way something happened last night that hasnt is a long time. I found a door while meditating. I'm pretty sure by now you know what that means. What you didnt know is that I created a ritual to close my door the second time we seperated. I'm not sure what I hoped to accomplish by it now, but thats neither here nor there. It IS why I've had trouble letting the others thru sometimes and why I can't quite experience magic the same way. I think this changed last night.
I laid down to meditate before i went to sleep. Usually just to quiet my mind so that I can sleep. And something felt... familiar. Powerful. Then I made it to the meditative state, which I had been just short of most of the time recently, And in front of me was a door. There was a stone doorstep and door way. The doorway was carved to look like three roman pillars with ivy growing up them. At the top was a gargoyle. Not menacing though. It gave off the kind of indifference you'd expect from an old dog, too comfortable laying by the fire to bother raising his head when someone walked in. Instead of looking like it was guardng the door, it seemed far more interested in the nothingness far out to the left. The door itself was dark wood and iron bound with a heavy cast-iron ring for a handle. I contemplated the door. It felt familiar, powerful and inviting. It wanted me to open it. I considered that it might be something I dont want. Might be harmful. Then I stepped onto the doorstep and heard the voice. "KNOW YE NOW" "KNOW YE NOW" "KNOW YE NOW". In a chorus of unheard pipes the phrase repeated. Three notes, three times. My hand lifted toward the handle to pull open the door. Suddenly things started trikling back to me. My old meditating. The guide I had found. The cave I would centered myself, my mind in. The field of fog beyond it. My hand now grasped the heavy, warm iron ring. I slowly pulled it open as I continued to glimps things I has 'seen' before. It was like there was nothing beyond the door. Light did not penetraite. Still I stepped, more floated, inside. As I did I saw the gargoyle notice me. When I was fully through the door, his stone hand reached out, grabbing the top of the door and slinging it shut behind me.
Nothing but darkness for a brief eternity. The suddenly and being apeared atfirst of skin, with leathery winds and a face of anger. For the instant that I saw it, I feared I had crossed the wrong door and may never awake. Then, when it saw me, it sofened. The horns on its head became antlers and the wings went from leathery to leafy. The face became not anger, but contemplation. Wisdom. A beard of spanish moss and hair of ivy and grape vines. The skin shifted the solidified and took on the appearence of bark. I thought to myself. "The green man! An Elder!" Then he spoke.
"You are me. You are the masculine side of nature. Natures wrath. Natures power. Natures persistance. Natures prevalance. The necessary hand of destruction." As he spoke The room filled with light from behind him. It was as a deep virgin forest, beauty indescribable for words would be but a pale nod to the truth of it. "Know me. Know ye now. I gift to you." Then, no matter how hard I tried to stay, I began rising back to conciousness.
I laid there for a while, trying to return to meditation, but I couldnt. My heart still raced. It was fantastic!